The real high highs and the even deeper lows on the rollercoaster of emotions, the shattered self-esteem, confidence and worth coupled with the continual thoughts of “why am I not good enough?” Not to mention the heartbreak.

Where it all began:

For 10 years I was a family lawyer, I had worked on high conflict cases (messy cases!) and in public childcare dealing with abuse so you would like to think, and from the outside, I had my shit together but the truth was it was far from that.

I had always been in toxic relationships. I saw in a lot of my clients what I knew to be true for me. Leaving wasn’t easy and it was an emotional addiction they were battling grounded in an insecure attachment stemming from inconsistent caregiving and childhood trauma.

I was sick and tired of my own shit at this point.  I knew there had to be more and realised I wanted better for myself – I clearly just didn’t believe I was good enough for a healthy and safe relationship. And that was my catalyst for change! I made a decision and commitment to myself that I would not be in another toxic relationship again.

I started my own therapy with an incredible therapist whom I will be forever grateful for. I had been having on and off therapy since my late teens but wasn’t ready to go deep enough or just didn’t have a connection with them.

The More You Love Yourself,

The Less You’ll Need Others Too.

The More You Love Yourself,

The Less You’ll Need Others Too.

Whilst in therapy I took a break from relationships all together and focused on the relationship I had with myself. I started to look at my patterns – how I played a role in these toxic relationships with the push-pull behaviour and being emotionally unavailable myself.

My childhood trauma coming from a home with domestic abuse and addiction despite my mum doing the best she could to protect me it still had an impact. The bullying I had experienced all throughout secondary school which reaffirmed I wasn’t good enough and fuelled my abandonment and rejection wounds further.  My hyper-independence and perfectionist tendencies that I had built to protect myself and used to perform to gain peoples love and affection.

I read every self-help book going and went to all of the seminars and really started to explore why I was the way I was? I befriended my inner little girl and outer child and really started listening to my inner critic. I couldn’t believe how much I had missed of my daily hell even hourly internal dialoge because I was constantly living in a state of survival mode trying to make it through the day.

My chronic health issues began to settle, I slept better, felt happier genuinely happy and once I had learned to like myself being alone wasn’t so bad after all…. In fact, I really enjoyed my own company!

Slowly but surely things started to change as I broke up with the version of myself I had been for the last however may years.

I healed my inner little girl, tamed my outer child, healed my emotional wounds that had compounded over the years and started to rebuild the relationship I had with myself. I began to accept, validate and learn to love myself – the good and the bad.

I could meet myself with compassion as I would my best friend and forgive myself for doing the best I could with the tool I had whilst I was in survival mode. Was I happy with my behaviour such as being reactive? No. but I understood where it came from and once I made it conscious I had a choice to do something differently and that came from the emotional mastery I had been building up.

I now have a healthy relationship with myself, a healthy marriage and 4 beautiful children who will and already have benefitted from breaking generational trauma and insecure attachment styles.

You see the thing is healing doesn’t happen over -night it’s a process with no definitive ending. It is a series of baby steps which accumulate over time to create beautiful transformations such as those above.

This is why I retrained as a therapist and decided to specialise in complex trauma, relational trauma and healing after toxic relationships because I’ve been there and I know how lonely, emotional and confusing it can be.

I have walked the healing path and couldn’t not share what I had learned and the tools which helped me and has now gone on to support other women shake the cycle of toxic relationships, heal their hearts from their wounds and reclaim their self-esteem, worth, value and step into the best version of themselves because I know it is possible and available to each and every one of you.


Psychotherapeutic counselling | Trauma informed therapist | Polyvagal theory in practice |Domestic abuse & survivor trained | Inner child healing | Sensorimotor psychotherapy | EFIT attachment trauma | Complex PTSD | Divorce & break up coaching | Trauma informed coaching